...to live a beautiful life

A Prayer Request...

2007-11-20T09:20:00.000-08:00

Hey everybody... about a year ago, Steve and Amy Shoop began the adoption process for their son, Seth. He has been living with them since then, but the adoption still isn't finished, which means they are not able to go back to the United States. Today, they are supposed to hear from their lawyer with news on whether the judge has decided to sign off on the final paperwork.

Obviously this would be an added stress for them. Please pray with us today for favor in this situation.

Tabasco Disaster

2007-11-06T15:23:00.001-08:00

I am not sure how much coverage this is receiving in the United States, but this is definitely something to keep in your prayers.
Click here for more information.

Speed the Light

2007-10-31T23:08:00.001-07:00

Here's the latest video project that I've been working on...The quality is a little rough, but let me know what you all think:)

...A lot of Stuff For a Sunday...

2007-09-24T10:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a thinking day for me...
The past few Sunday mornings, the street in front of my house has been blocked off. It was a little annoying at first because people who were driving would have to find detours. Sometimes they would make their way onto the sidewalks in order to get around the barriers placed on the street. Motor cyclists decided to make the sidewalk their new road. At the major intersection of my street and another well traveled road, people were posted to make sure that no one could bypass the blockade. At the intersection, we saw a sign that said, "Making Zapopan a Better Place to Live" (in Spanish of course). At first we thought that our street must be under heavy construction, but there was no crew to be see. Why would they go to so much trouble? Then we saw all of the bicyclists waiting for the red light so they could cross to the other side of the street. We then decided that it must be some sort of race...but they didn't seem to be in any sort of hurry. We then noticed the children and the smaller print on the sign that said, "Preserving the Family." They had blocked off the street so that families could spend a few hours riding bikes together. Some people did not have bikes, but had decided to walk along the route anyway. Many motorists found this to be incredibly frustrating, and let the people posted at the intersection and bicyclists know it by blaring their horns. In my opinion importance of this weekly event greatly out weighed the inconvenience. (I don't have a car here anyway...and I'm in no hurry Sunday mornings considering that my church starts about a half hour past the official starting time of 11:00a.m. Even so, I felt that my opinion mattered.)
Family needs to be on the top of our priority list, after God. That's the way it was designed to be. Having a relationship with family may be inconvenient for others... and might even take a few extra hours of your day that you don't feel you have. It's so important to have guards in place because, like the cars...things (probably important things) will try to interfere or at the very least distract from creating and maintaining a meaningful relationship with the people that God has placed closest to your heart. Obviously this doesn't just apply to our biological families... but to our Christian family as well.

So that was my first major thought that kept me occupied as I got on the slowest bus probably in the history of the world...
When I got to church, I wondered what the sermon was going to be about, and prayed silently that I would be able to get something out of it. Thankfully, the power point was working, so I stopped worrying because I knew I would at least catch the main points. I then began to ponder if I had prepared my heart to hear what God had for me in the service....
At that point it hit me, I had been looking at things all wrong. I don't have to go to church to meet with God. (It's not that I didn't know that before yesterday, I just realized I haven't been putting what I know into practice very well.) I feel God's presence at church during the worship time or feel that a message can be applied to my life, because I go knowing that He is there. I think a lot of times, I forget that I don't "meet" God at the church. He rides with me on the bus to get there. In fact, while I sleep He watches over me through the night. The moment I open my eyes, He's already there. It's not even that I have to do anything special to "meet with Him"...He's inside of me, and all around me. I take that for granted so often. I expect to be close to Him during devotions, church, ministry events... but when I'm doing homework and have three exams to take within two days... it's a different story. I don't go into that situation expecting to hear from Him, or even acknowledging that He wants to go through it with me. I almost compartmentalize my life... but God doesn't pick and choose where to show up. I just have been picking and choosing when to realize His omnipresence.
I guess that's because it's easy for me to be service oriented and miss the intimacy of relationship... for a lot of reasons. God has been revealing to me how desperately He wants my heart, not just my service.
Matthew 7:22-23 is a good example of that.
"Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you."
God doesn't define a relationship as doing, doing, doing... but as intimacy with Him. (Martha and Mary is a pretty standard illustration for that point.) Honestly, I don't have quiet times, or go to church, or do ministry enough to only be tuned into God during those times. I often give and settle for so little in my relationship with God. Here's part of Psalms 63. (My mom has a beautiful song based on this Psalm.)
Psalms 63
1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.
When I took the time to really read this, I was blown away... to David, God was more than food, water, sleep...even life! That's the passionate intensity that God wants me to have for Him in our relationship. Hmmm...
So I know that's not a very good ending to that section...but I'm going to have to continue pondering that... and conclude it another time. All of this transpired over the course of about ten minutes...so I was glad that the pastor had his main points on the power point... because I would have missed that portion of the sermon if he didn't.

After the service Kayla, Tina, and I went to lunch with Jacob and Daniel...some friends from church. We ate in a retro school bus that had been placed on the second floor of the restaurant. It was a fun experience...and I was "muy mexicana" because I put a ton of chile sauce on my torta ahogada. That's pretty much the only thing that they could say is "muy mexicana" about me...because my Spanish is most definitely "muy gringa." Although... it's nice to see how much I've progressed since I first arrived in January.
*Pictured from left to right is Daniel (F.L.), Tina (B.L.), Jacob (R.F.), and me. Kayla was taking the and so her beautiful face is not shown here.

Feliz Dia De Independencia!!!

2007-09-16T21:17:00.000-07:00

Today was Mexico's Independence Day. It was fun to see how patriotic so many people here are. My church had a party with a mechanical bull, and amazing tamales! It was a great time of hanging out with my friends... although we discovered that a lot of jokes are definitely cultural. (I told the duck joke, but most people thought it was sort of mean. I didn't think most of their jokes were funny either because they had to do with word play...which isn't my cup of tea.)

One of the missionaries had spoken earlier in the week at the children's feeding program about the significance of the flag's colors. When she was speaking about the color red, she said that Mexico was able to celebrate peace, but it was gained at a high price. The price was the blood of thousands soldiers who bravely sacrificed their lives. She related that to spiritual peace and freedom. It was only because of Jesus' blood that it is possible in our lives. That thought has been in the back of my mind all day throughout the different activities.

Today also marked the "Commissioning Day" for 40 days of prayer and fasting for the Engage in Missions team. We started this because many Christians, even in ministry, are not in the habit of consistently praying and fasting. Please keep me in your prayers as we embark on this journey. I know that God is desiring to move in the city of Guadalajara, and I also know that God is looking to build discipline in my life. I felt that God was asking me to fast by not communicating with mi novio, and I have struggled with wanting to be obedient...and well, just not wanting to do what God has asked me to do in this particular area. However, all of that aside, I am very excited for these next days, and know that this is far deeper than what I feel and can see from the starting line.

...It's Been A Long Time...

2007-09-15T21:29:00.000-07:00

So, the last time I posted anything was right after the Wisconsin team...and yes after them came the amazing, wonderful, and yes over-all good looking Grandview/ Yakima Team. They were the last team for the summer, and it was nice to end the whole short-term missions marathon on a good note. One particularly memorable experience was that one young lady, who will remain anonymous (*cough* Vernice *cough*) felt the call of God to missions. Making opportunities for people to experience missions, especially when it leads to them hearing God's plan for their life, is one of the reasons I am here in Mexico.

The last week of July, some of the other Engage Students and I went to the Missions Convention in Puerto Villarta. I thought it was a pretty sweet deal to watch little monsters...um...I mean 2-5 year olds for five hours a day and have food and lodging covered.
I left for home right after my week in Puerto Villarta. I was so excited to see my family and friends again. The trip back was... to put it mildly, traumatic. Through a series of unfortunate events, I returned home never wanting to step outside my door again. My time at home was very relaxing, and it was so good to be immersed in familiarity.
To be completely honest, I dreaded coming back to Mexico. The day I left, I found out that my online classes already began, and I was over a week behind. I hadn't heard anything because of an error on my University's part. I was beyond frustration. I told my mom on our way to the Pasco airport that if the plane was even delayed for five minutes I was not getting on. (A delayed flight was how my traumatic experience all started the month before.) Obviously, God wanted me to go because I had absolutely no problems at any of the airports.
My fear of returning wasn't only based on the fact that I would have to travel or my school situation. It was much deeper than that. For the past several months, I have felt that I have been completely ineffective during my time in Mexico. I haven't come close to mastering the language, I haven't prayed with anyone to accept Salvation, I felt like I was the only one on the team who didn't have something to offer and wasn't completely in love with every aspect of the mission's experience. I was discouraged, and felt that I was alone. As I was preparing to come back to Mexico, I poured out my heart to God. I told Him that I couldn't do another three months like the past three and begged Him for things to be different.

He sure answered my prayers. When I was picked up from the airport, I was taken to a new house, with a room the size of the old one's walk in closet. There isn't even enough room to sit up when I'm on the top bunk, and I have smashed my head a couple of times. (To eliminate any confusion, I now love my new house and room! The whole set up has more of a dormitory feel.) Later that day, I met five new girls one of whom was my new roommate, Autumn. (I love all of the new girls.) After that I was kinda-sorta briefed on the new way ministry in general had been organized. When God answers prayers, he completely answers them.

Needless to say, even though I had prayed for things to be different, I was completely overwhelmed with how everything had been turned upside down. I still felt that I was ineffective as well. God totally blew my mind with what happened next...before I explain, let me give a little history. Last semester, I felt that I didn't really belong because I was the only person to start in January. Everyone had already been able to get to know each other, and I felt that I was the odd one out... Alright, back to God blowing my mind. I was talking with the people who had returned from the previous semester one night. They began to talk about how many times they feel discouraged, inadequate, never wanting to hear another word of spanish, etc. I was shocked because I had never heard them say that before. To everyone's astonishment, we all had been feeling the same way, but feeling alone and isolating ourselves. We decided right then to encourage each other, and to work on being open.

This has been such a time of spiritual stretching for me. When I feel like I can't go any farther, God shows me that I can, and that He's right beside me. I am so excited about these last three months I have been given to minister to the people of Guadalajara, Mexico.
So, with that, in a nutshell, catches everything up to speed. I am caught up with my internet classes and am starting with Spanish on Monday...

2007-06-29T11:55:00.000-07:00

So, the Wisconsin team left this week...they were an awesome group of people. We did a lot of children's programs...two everyday. It was so amazing to see the kids' receptiveness to God.

Other than that it's just been raining...A LOT. It's rainy season now, so it just starts pouring out of no where and then disappears after an hour or so...but it does this a few times a day. We've had some pretty massive thunder storms...but mostly rain. I'm not a huge fan:) The next couple weeks should be pretty relaxed...and then Grandview Assembly of God is coming!!!

...A little about the teams...

2007-06-21T16:56:00.000-07:00

I've been working with short-term mission teams since I've been back. The first one I was assigned to was a Chi Alpha team from Wright State University in Ohio. There were ten people on this team, including the leaders... (The two leaders are actually returning to Guadalajara in August to help with campus ministry.) I wasn't really able to do that much campus ministry in the Fall because of my school schedule. I enjoyed experiencing this ministry because so much of it is relationship based.
I was also able to visit four of the major universities in Guadalajara and pray. I have been feeling the need to be more actively involved in intercessory prayer. It was encouraging because I would have a thought about what I should pray for and as I would be praying it (in my head) someone else would speak the exact thing, almost word for word, of what I had just thought. It wasn't anything weird or spooky. If it hadn't been for the confirmation of the others praying what I too had been impressed upon to pray.
I am now working with a team from Wisconsin...it's a group composed of different (mainly junior high and high school) students from around the state. Their focus has been children's ministry... which is something that I always love being involved with. We've been doing a lot of work in a very poor neighborhood and I hadn't seen those kids since I'd left for the United States, and it was so good to be able to hug them and talk with them again. It was so exciting to hear that our work with these kids has made an impact. A church plant is now going to be made and Latin American Child Care is also going to be opening a school. If they open a school in the area, the roads might be paved as well as utilites added in the area. It's funny how we never know before hand what impact our obedience will have.
Another very encouraging thing happened today, and we almost missed it. As we were preparing lunch for the kids, we noticed that there probably wouldn't be enough. One of the girls in the Engage program said, "Guys, lets stop and pray that God will multiply the sandwiches." We prayed and handed them out...and finished with the rest of our program. Afterwards we tallied up the number of students who were there and it was bigger than the number of sandwiches we had...but all of the students were able to eat!

A Much Needed Update...

2007-06-13T15:25:00.000-07:00

...I wasn't planning on this being a monthly blog...but that's really what it's turned into. I just returned from spending three weeks back home. It was such a refreshing time for me! It was so good to be able to spend time with the people I love. I am so proud of my brother Josh. He graduated at the top of his class (valadictorian...if that's even how it's spelled). Tomorrow, I'm going to be working with a Chi Alpha team from Wright State University. It's a pretty small team...I think there are only about 10 people in it. That you all for your support and your prayers! I know I will especially be needing them during the busy summer schedule.

2007-05-18T16:57:00.001-07:00

I'll fill everyone in about events later...but for now...
I'M DONE WITH SPANISH CLASSES FOR THE SUMMER!!

There are only two words left to say Par-Tay...Yeah!

Subjuntivo es el Diablo...and about GOD and Vegetables...and a Jamaica Episode

2007-04-28T14:30:00.000-07:00

So, I am currenty in level 4 of 8 available spanish classes. I'm at the place where I can understand quite a bit...but it takes me about 5 minutes to think of how I should answer a question or say something.
Well, this level is all about subjuntive which is how you express a desire/wish for another person. For example... "(Espero) que tengas un buen dia" is "I hope you have a good day." The second-person present indicative form is "tienes"...but to find the subjunctive form of a verb, you take the first-person form in present tense indicative and then depending on who you're talking to/about add "es, e, emos, en" if the infinitive form of the verb ends in "ar" and "as, a, amos, an" if the infinite form of the verb ends in "er". So for "tener"...(which is the verb I used in my example,) I take the first-person present tense indicative form, "tengo" and switch the "o" to an "as" so it's in second-person present tense subjuntive. (It was very weird to use the english names having to do with this topic.) Sounds easy enough, right... but it gets very confusing for me. (spanish speakers: Si, tienen algunas sugerencias o correcciones, denmelas por favor.)

So, now that I have that out of the way...on to a slightly more significant topic.
I've been thinking about how often times when I haven't been spending the time that I should be with God, I say something like..."Make me hungry for more of You." (Please, if you've said something like this, don't be offended by what I'm about to say...I am only applying this to myself.) I realized saying that was a selfish and emotional request. Why? Because in essence, I was saying..."God, I don't feel like spending time with you right now, and I'm not going to unless I feel like I need to." It's almost like a little kid, thinking about vegetables. Few and far between are the ones who will voluntarily eat their broccoli off of their plates first, or sneak to the fridge in the middle of the night and quietly grab a handful of lettuce, or cry hysterically in the produce section, "PLEASE, PLEASE! Mom, please just let me have a tomato. JUST ONE!" No, in fact from my personal experience, I would not eat my vegetables out of my own love for them, but because my parents knew that I needed them. So I would not eat them until I was absolutely compelled by my parent to eat them. (For example, sitting at the table for an hour after dinner.) How heartbreaking that must be, when my Father/ Dearest Friend/ Rescuer and Lover of my Soul's deepest longing is to be intimately close to me, and I treat Him like a five year old would treat a plateful of spinach saying, "There's so much else I want to do. I can't eat this. Please make me like spending time with you."
Now, obviously...if that's how I feel, God doesn't hold it against me and beat me over the head...but if I don't feel a "hunger" for God, there are a few possibilities. First, chances are if I am not "hungry" for God and I haven't been spending time with Him, I need to realize what things are filling the place where spending time at God's feet should be. A starving or nutritionally lacking person won't feel like changing until they're in serious danger. I need to decide that whether or not I feel like rearranging or cutting things out of my life, I will commit to do so. Next, if I have been spending time with God I need to realize that when someone is eating regularly, they may not always feel hungry. Granted, when a person eats regularly, their metabolism will become accustomed to that and they will become hungry on a regular basis, but it generally will not be an overwhelming, all consuming pain. Not experiencing that intense pain doesn't mean I should stop eating until I feel it. It would be nice if I always had the appetite to eat like I have on Thanksgiving and Christmas, but that appetite is almost purely emotional...and if I relied on feelings instead of the nutrients, I would only be eating on holidays and when I'm depressed. (Wow, sadly that almost sounds like the average "Christian’s" spiritual life.) People who have experienced true hunger in their lives understand not only the importance, but also the privilege, it is to eat on a regular basis.
So what exactly am I saying? I'm realizing that I need to view spending time with God less like an avoided food group, and more like a RELATIONSHIP. Yes, God does want me to be honest about my feelings and bring them to Him. However, He doesn't want me to base my time with Him on them. Emotions change...constantly...but God is so much greater than my feelings. He is unchanging, faithful, loving, powerful, just, patient, passionate, merciful, all powerful...and when I regularly pursue spending time with Him because of these things, I will find that He will increasingly become the desire of my heart.

Speaking of food related topics...on our way to the weekly after school feeding program, a 5 gallon jug of jamaica juice fell onto a sharp object in the van. There is no carpet in the van...which was a huge blessing, but our feet and a lot of equipment ended up taking a red, sticky bath. Good times, good times!

Some things that I'm thankful for...

2007-04-20T13:34:00.000-07:00

Ok... 1. I passed the third level of Spanish today....Woohoo. 2. I got my FM3 back. That means that I'm not illegally living hear...(Not that I'm implying that I was before now or anything.)
We've also had such beautiful weather here. I get to go home for my brother's graduation!!! I am so blessed to have my family and a wonderful church family back home. I also love the church that I attend here...and I'm actually getting a little bit out of the messages now. I'm thankful for our workouts...they've turned out to be a big stress reliever. I'm glad that I am surrounded by people who love Christ. I am so grateful (or greatful?) for my Mac...because I can keep in touch with my family back home. I love the park that I live by and love being able to go for walks in the evening. I am thankful for the challenge of learning a new language. I love spending time with the kids in the ministries I am involved in...and am so humbled by my oportunity to strive for God's heart for them, not be satisfied with my own. I'm thankful for podcasts... (if you don't listen to him already, I would recommend Andy Stanley. ) I am thankful for the peace of God which transends all understanding...and that His joy is my strength...and yes, that I can do all think through Christ who strengthens me. (I'm also thankful that I never have to hear that song again...unless there are anymore surprises from Abe.) There is so much more...in fact, I'm sure that If I truly stopped to thank God for all of the things He has given me I would never run out of things to say.
So, thanks for all of the big and small blessings that you have so generously given to me, Father. (Oh, I'm also thankful for naps...and I think I'll take advantage of that right now.)

I'm Back...

2007-04-14T19:50:00.000-07:00

So I've taken a break from writing for over a month now. I wasn't too worried about it... until I heard that someone had actually checked my blog recently.

The past month has been pretty busy for me. I've had my regular routine of school, church, and ministry. There were also four Chai Alpha teams that we hosted. They helped with starting a group at Cucea, which is the business campus here. They also helped with our children and homeless feeding programs. It was very encouraging to work with them. Two of my classmates from my spanish class have also starting coming to the children's feeding program, which has been an answer to my prayer.

During spring break, I travelled to Galveston, TX and stayed with my Uncle and Aunt. My dad and Grandpa also came down to visit. I was so glad to be able to be refreshed and refocus. I spent most of my time at the Marina where my Uncle works, and learned a lot of interesting things... I don't think I can say more that that without incriminating certain parties:)
I came back to Guadalajara on Friday. Ok here's my story... I wanted to wear a headband, but I know they give me headaches. I decided to tough it out, wear the headband and take Advil. The girls were complimenting my headband when I arrived at the house. We were talking about the lengths we will go in order to keep up appearances. (Ex. instead of removing the headband, taking medicine.) The guys here couldn't understand why we would put ourselves through that...or believe that headbands could cause any discomfort. So, the girls and I took it upon ourselves to give them a lesson in "bearing one another's burdens." So they wore our headbands for the rest of the day. (These guys also have blogs...)

So both breaks are over now...which means I will be writing again:) It's good to be back!

...sharing the love of Chirst:)

2007-03-08T05:40:00.000-08:00

So...what do Engage students do on with their free time? I'm sure you're dying to know. Well, let me tell you, it's not pretty...

...Just a little street evangelism, that's all:)

One down...Three to go

2007-02-26T16:43:00.000-08:00

I had a spanish test today...and I got my first 100%...woohoo!!! I also have three more tests today for my online classes which I'm not so enthusiastic about...but the good news is that all my online classes end the last week in April...so I'm halfway through this round of craziness.
I have this message floating around in my head and no one really to share it with (mostly because it's for me).

Mark 2: Jesus Heals a Paralyzed Man

1 When Jesus returned to Capernaum several days later, the news spread quickly that he was back home. 2 Soon the house where he was staying was so packed with visitors that there was no more room, even outside the door. While he was preaching God’s word to them, 3 four men arrived carrying a paralyzed man on a mat. 4 They couldn’t bring him to Jesus because of the crowd, so they dug a hole through the roof above his head. Then they lowered the man on his mat, right down in front of Jesus. 5 Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed man, “My child, your sins are forgiven.”
I recently heard a message on this topic. A youth pastor who is planning on coming and being a M.A. spoke on how we are called to be "rope droppers" in the lives of those around us. In this story, because of these men's dedication and faith on behalf of their friend, he was healed spiritually and physically. After she spoke about this, it struck me that we can only drop the rope from where we ourselves are standing. It would have done their friend absolutely no good if they would have dropped the rope from outside the door, or before they created the hole in the roof. These men had to get past the crowds, climb onto the roof, and break through the barrier that existed...before they had access to Jesus so that they could introduce their friend to Him. They knew about Jesus, (I'm not sure on this one)...but it's possible that they had contact with Him before. The paralyzed man didn't need their past experiences. He needed his friends to have an encounter with Jesus that day, in that moment. That was what made a lasting impact in the life of their friend.
So that's it in a nutshell...in other news...our first Chi Alpha team is coming at the end of this week, and then we have three more after that.
Oh, here's a video of some guys practicing marshall arts at a park...It seems to be a pretty popular pasttime here.

Checking in...

2007-02-19T15:03:00.000-08:00

Well, I haven't been very good at making myself blog everyday...obviously...and now I'm having a difficult time deciding what I should write about to catch up on things. I think go with random thoughts and hopefully you'll be able to make some sense out of it.
We've started working out the kinks in the schedule...but we definitely have a looong way to go. Here's a rough sketch of my schedule...
7:30 Monday, Wednesday, & Friday- Student Lead Devotions
Tuesday & Thursday- Pray at Cucea (another Universersity)
9:00 Monday- Friday- Spanish Classes at UAG
1:00 Monday& Tuesday- Engage Office Time
Wednesday- Teach English at Christina School
Thursday- After School Program in Paraisos (another community)
5:00 Tuesday & Thursday- Exercise Program
6:30 Everyday- Dinner (A very exciting part of the day)
7:30 Monday- Team Meeting
9:30 Friday- Downtown Homeless Outreach

...I feel like I spend most of my life on a bus...

I started my second week of level two for Spanish classes today. I feel like I've improved a lot with understanding when people are speaking to me...I at least almost always understand the basic idea of what is being communicated. The other day the teacher was telling a joke...and I knew it was a joke...but I didn't understand the punchline...so I laughed to keep from being frustrated. The teacher smiled and asked if anyone else understood the joke other than me...I was so scared that she was going to ask me to explain to the rest of my classmates. (She usually does that.) I got let off the hook though...because she just explained more slowly for "the rest of the class"...and I understood after that.

I've absolutely loved getting to know my classmates. I've was able to spend some time with them outside of class the other week. We had lunch and went to the park. (José is in the tree because a kite got stuck.) Soon, one of my classmates from last month...has adopted me as his "Primera Hija" because he is the same age as my dad. I've also been able to meet "Mi Mama" Sandra, and two adorable "Hermanitas" Lucia and Sara (Sara is the one in the picture.)

It's also been encouraging to grow closer to my team members...Right now we have a prank war raging between the two houses...and it's pretty intense classified information. Other than this recent turn of events... It's been positive overall. We had a Valentine's Day party...which was pretty exciting. Seriously though, I'm very thankful for the oportunity to be living with people who share a passion for missions, and who are so much fun.

I need to take more pictures during ministry!!! The picture on the left is some of the Christina's School kids. Although I always had this knowledge, I have been experiencing that missions is not an event, but it's building relationships. A lot of times these kids don't really care about learning English...but they're starving for someone to care about them.
The picture on the right is Catederal de Guadalajara (which is a very famous post card photo). The architecture is so awe-inspiring... and as Isaac (a pretty smart Engage guy) stated, "It's everything we're supposed to be on the inside." It's heart-breaking because this magnificent building stands in stark contrast to the harsh reality of life that surrounds it. Beside this building is where we hold our weekly Downtown Homeless Outreach. The people are so grateful for the small meal and love that we are able to provide for them...it's truly humbling for me.
Well...I think that pretty much wraps things up...

a full day...and a lot to think about

2007-02-03T21:08:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a very full day...in the morning I went on a University field trip to Tonala, a nearby community. They showed us the workshops where glass, Lupita dolls, and paper maché sculptures were made. It was very impressive to see these people at their work and it was incredible to watch the raw material in their hands take form.

As I was going through the various workshops, I noticed something that was described as "ironic" by one of the other University students. There were several stations where a crucifix, Mary, or the Pope would be right beside pictures of women in bikinis (and in some cases nothing).

When I first saw these, I thought that it was ironic as well. As I continued to ponder this, I realized that, really, this was an honest representation of the state in many hearts. To a majority of the population, Jesus is a part of a religion...and religion is easily put along side all the other facets that make up an individual's identity: Occupation, Family, Religion,Social Group, Political Standing, Economic Situation, Interests and Abilities, etc. There's nothing life changing simply about a religion.
The significance of this hit me like a ton of bricks. (Yes, this phrase is very clichéd...but I can't think of a better was to describe it.) I have been called to preach the Gospel, not religion. It's not enough for me to be saying or doing the right things, or to be helping others toward this as well. If all I have to offer is religious knowledge of a man who taught good principles, they may as well continue down the road they are currently travelling. I have to know Jesus. If I don't know Him every single moment of the day, I am simply plastering religion on my wall along side all of the other things in my life...and some of those things aren't pretty.
So, that's as far as I've processed on this topic. If you have any wisdom to add, I'd love to hear from you!

Vive la Diferencia...

2007-01-31T20:36:00.000-08:00

So the other Engage Students and I were talking about how we're all different...and ways we can tell. We decided to look up "You know you're from __________ if..." jokes. Here's the Eastern Washington ones...enjoy:)

You Know You're from Eastern Washington If...

You've never met a celebrity.

Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

"Vacation" means going to Spokane (or Portland, or Seattle)

You measure distance in minutes.

You say pop instead of soda or soft drink.

You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."

Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.

You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the day or year it is.

You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. (i.e., "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to town I wanna go with.")

You know how to pronounce the name of the State.

You know how to pronounce Wenatchee, Yakima, and Spokane.

You know Walla Walla, Washington is a REAL town, not just cartoon!

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You carry jumper cables in your car.

You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.

You know how to put on chains.

You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for cattle prices and sports.

You think that opening day of deer season is a national holiday.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.

You know the city of Pullman is named after a railroad sleeping car.

You traveled through hours of wheat fields or farms to get to the next city.

You know the names of the Tri-cities.

Your home town had more cows than people in it. (*Cough* Sunnyside *Cough*)

You actually get these jokes...

...Mis Compañeros de Clase de Español

2007-01-29T12:34:00.001-08:00

I had my first two Spanish exams today. I thought it would be a good time time to introduce my classmates...as I breathe a sigh of relief and hope for the best.
Molina- Wisconsin

*Joan*- Canada

Soon- Korea

"José"- Korea

"Luis Miguel" y "Juan"- Korea

When The Going Gets Tough...The Tough Start an Exercise Program

2007-01-25T18:38:00.000-08:00

This week the Engage in Missions program started a new baseline activity...exercising. A baseline activity is another way of saying there's no way out of it. Since so many people are fasting, Lorie (a missionary/ local fitness trainer) said she wouldn't get into anything too difficult. Well, her definition of "too difficult" and ours was like night and day...I guess that's why she's a fitness trainer (and come to think of it a missionary) though. All of the things we were doing was just using our own body weight...mainly our "powerhouse." If there was any doubt in my mind before, there isn't now. I have no powerhouse.
The worst part is the stairs. (Climax music inserted here.) Actually, going up isn't that bad...but coming down is killer.

Honestly though...this has been so helpful for me. I haven't had much insentive or opportunity to get any quality exercise in, and it is important to take care of the body God has given me. I wouldn't start/continue this on my own. I am not in shape at all...but I'm not alone in that. Everyone here knows I'm not a fitness expert...but they aren't either. It's such a reminder of the Christian life...we're in it together doing our best to follow Christ's example...sometimes sloppily at best. Lorie also brought up a very good point. Most things require discipline. Obviously, no discipline feels pleasant at the time, but we need it or we'll remain weak. (I've becom painfully aware of this fact.)
So that's a lot to think about from a stretching (literally) experience. I'm going to take some IB Profen and head to bed :)

...For this week

2007-01-22T15:02:00.000-08:00

Today was when ministry was officially scheduled to start. We had a team meeting in the middle of last week and Steve Shoop, our director, told us that he felt God was asking to set aside this week for prayer and fasting. (One of my teammates had actually written the word "fast" on his hand earlier in the day, before Steve mentioned it to anyone.)
We were all encouraged to ask God what He would have us fast from this week. As soon as I heard about the fast, I knew God wanted me to give up makeup...obviously this is not something I would come up with on my own, so I knew I needed to pay attention. My church also announced prayer and fasting until Wednesday, and this was completely unrelated to Engage. So, I will be fasting two meals until Wednesday, and makeup for the rest of the week. We all agreed to fast from TV, playing cards, and secular music on top of our personal commitments. The focus of our prayer is:

Another facility that will allow for expansion in the program. (There are currently 15 students. At our present location, there is only room for two more interns...and only if those two are guys.)
Effectiveness in ministry for the upcoming semester.
Good health and safety for the team.

A teammate mentioned something that I had overlooked the other times I had fasted. (The same teammate who wrote "fast" on his hand.) When a person is fasting, they should replace the time they usually dedicate to the other activity and dedicate it to prayer. This seems like an elementary principle, but espcially in the case of food, I would replace my eating time with thinking about how I really wanted to eat.
I have been feeling a sense of urgency in drawing near to God. It has been confirmed by the theme God has been using in speaking to many peoples lives. I am very excited about this week, and I hope you will remember us in your prayers.

my first day at Autonoma Universidad...and other lessons

2007-01-15T16:02:00.000-08:00

Today was my first day taking spanish classes at Universidad Autonoma de Guadalajara. I enrolled in the first level. There are two parts to the course, Gramatica y Conversacion. (I'm not sure how to put in acentos but there should be one above the "o" in Autonoma, the second "a" in Gramatica, and the last "o" in Conversacion.) There were seven other people in my class. Three guys were from Korea, a lady in her early 50's was from Switzerland, one girl was from Canada, and two other students were from the United States...both were from states in the south. Since the class is taught only in Spanish, I was a little nervous about it. However, I found that I could understand the majority of what my professor's lectures. My brain felt well exercised by the time I went back to the house.
I haven't experienced "culture shock" yet. The most culture shock I've experienced is moving from my home/ family to college aged interaction and life. I have found out some interesting facts about Mexican (at least Guadalajara's) culture that I didn't know before.
Here are a few (Holly, I hope you enjoy these):

If a guy is walking with a girl, and the girl is by the street, it can mean the guy is...well, basically a pimp offering the girl's services. (That was a good one for me to know.)
Most guys who shave their heads and are wearing shorts are gang members.
Greetings are rarely handshakes (unless it includes a foreigner). People kiss each other lightly on the cheek. (Most people go left)
If your bus ticket numbers add up to 21, then it means you are entitled to a free kiss from the person of your choosing. (Not that I'm planning on using that one. It's just interesting information.)

As I find out more random facts, I'll share them.

...mY sUnDaY

2007-01-14T20:28:00.000-08:00

So, I could use the excuse that I've had an unreliable internet connection here to explain why I haven't updated the information on my blog about what's been going on for these past few days...(Which is really true. It took me forever to post the last one because the connection kept shutting off so I couldn't save the pictures.) That would only be partly true though. The other reason is that I've been feeling very homesick and frustrated. Pretty much like I didn't fit in anywhere and had nothing to offer sort of stuff. (Yes, sad but true.) Anyway, I've just been praying...and praying...and praying...but still sort of feeling sorry for myself.
Today, I went to my new church Agua Viva. I was very nervous, but also excited to meet my new church family. Before I left I read in my daily devotional (My Utmost for His Highest) that people don't necessarily receive a special calling, but it's more about having your ears tuned in to what God needs accomplished. That got me thinking that I must have done something sort of right because I actually heard God's calling. So I decided that I could be brave and drag myself out the door. forty-five minutes and two bus rides later, my roommate and I arrived at Agua Viva. (Someday I'll do an entire post just about the bus rides.) The pastor was not there, and there children's pastor, Ruben, preached the message. It was about faith. He used Hebrews chapter 11 for his scriptural text...the WHOLE chapter. (Yeah, we didn't get out at noon, or even 12:30pm.) The part that really hit me hard was when Ruben got to the part about God telling Abraham to leave his home country. He asked, "Can you imagine what it would be like if God asked you to do that?" Yup, I could relate. I looked at my roommate and we both smiled. I couldn't believe it. I mean, I would never compare myself to Abraham, Moses, Rahab, Jeffery Portman:)...but it gave me an entirely new perspective on "being surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses." The people there were very warm, and I felt very comfortable.
*I didn't take many pictures today, because I didn't want to seem to gringa, güra, tourista...ish.

Next thought...I bought my flash drive today. 1 gig! So that pretty much finished my school shopping. Woohoo! Tomorrow I start español classes...and my other SAGU classes too since my books will be arriving. I just realized that I've practically lived at Wally World since I've arrived here. I saw the biggest tres leches cake ever when I was there. The milk was dripping all over the floor, and it smelled amazingly good.

Last, I really need help with my interior decorating, as you can see. I'm pretty much organized, (which isn't the huge since nothing's officially started yet...but it looks kinda bad. My uncle and aunt gave me the calendar with the creepy cat. I can barely look at it (something about the human eyes and teeth), but my roomates think it's cute. I took the thingy off the light and used it to hold my pens/pencils/highlighters. There was an old Darth Vader mask people were going to toss out, so I rescued it. I spent some money getting the pictures of my family developed to put up and on my green melon candle, but other than that, not really. If anyone has any good and economical suggestions, let me know:)

Nutshell...

2007-01-12T21:35:00.000-08:00

I made it to Guadalajara safely...here's a little bit about my journey here. The trip from Pasco to Seattle to Houston was relatively uneventful. It consisted of sleeping, an old guy with an iPod Nano who refused to speak to me, and a little bit of motion sickness.
I visited with my family in Bedias and Galveston Texas...so a couple road trips through Houston ended up being part of the deal. I haven't seen my Nana (dad's mom) since I was very young. She was very sweet and I was very blessed to see her. This was my first real visit with my Uncle Bud and Aunt Lisa. They showed me around the island and took me to the marina where my uncle works. I absolutely loved the time I was able to spend with them...and it definitely came to an end too quickly.

The flight from Houston to Salt Lake City was delayed for an hour and a half. I was worried, to say the least, since the time I had between connections was 45 minutes. Sitting beside me was a retired Vietnamese Lawyer. His name was Doan Than Liem. (Liem means honesty in Vietnamese, and he pointed out how ironic people must think it is to have a lawyer with that name.) He shared some of his incredible life story with me. His very impressive list includes: meeting Robert Frost, learning Latin, French, German and English, and being imprisoned by the Communist government in his country for 66 months (10 of which were served in solitary confinement.) He wrote many works of poetry and essays relating to his time in prison, a few of which have been published. He currently involved in a group called VAVA (Vietmanese American Voters Association) which is working on solutions to stop human trafficking in Vietnam. The passion with which he spoke not only of the past, but of his present efforts in ending injustice was so inspiring. One of the things that he brought up over and over again was the motto by which he strove to live his life:

Think Globally

Act Locally

Love Totally

I arrived in Salt Lake with 7 minutes to catch my next flight...and it was on the opposite side of the airport. I ran through, with a few dirty looks from security. There were quite a few other people who were running as well because Salt Lake is not the final destination for many people. (After seeing it, I can understand why:) I missed my flight by one minute, and there were at least 40 other passengers who were in a similar pickle jar. I was tired, hungry, and not very happy at the thought of spending the night at the Salt Lake City airport alone. Thankfully, a Delta airlines representative recognized me as being one of the people who missed my flight. I knew he was tired and had just dealt with 39 other unhappy travellers. He set me up with a paid motel room and meal...and with a smile on his face. I thanked him, but he said he was, "just doing his job." I think I could do my job with the right attitude much more often than I do.

The trip from Salt Lake to Guadalajara was also relatively uneventful...other than the heavy amount of snow fall. I ended up sitting by a guy from Pasco. Which was where this story started. We talked about Eastern Washington kind of stuff, and I felt very much at home.
Well, that's all i can cram into this nutshell... I'll be posting again soon.

...Some Crunch Time Ramblings

2007-01-03T23:08:00.000-08:00

I've been working on a list I've appropriately labeled my "crunch time check list." I should have it finished by tomorrow...Woohoo! I started packing and wow, I have a lot of junk. The thing is, I have some sort of emotional attatchment to it, so it's really hard for me to just can it. Maybe I'll just leave it in a pile and ask my brothers to do something with it after I leave. I don't think they'd go for that though.

The days seem like they are flying by. (This is an extremely overused metaphor, but I'm not sure how else to describe it.) I remember wondering what it would feel like to be leaving home. It seemed so far off, and now I am only five days away from that reality. I remember my Grandma telling me that life was sort of like a train. It took a while for it to get started, but once it did start, it couldn't stop. (Alright, so I've used flying, a train, now I just have to say something about life is a highway, then my right of passage on the oceans of time...and I'll be well-rounded with the traveling analogies.) Now, as I look back on the section of my life I'm leaving behind, I am struck with the realization of just how much I have been blessed. There is so much that I could say, but not adequate words to express what is in my heart. I only hope that I have in some way touched the lives of those who have so greatly touched mine.

Oh, I found out two amazingly cool things having to do with my travel arrangements. I will be flying from Pasco to Seattle with Dennis and Jan McDonald, the pastors at the Grandview Christian Church. That was enough to make my day...but it gets better. I'll be flying from L.A. to Guadalajara with some other Engage interns. One of them has been helping me with getting all of my paperwork in order and answering questions I couldn't find the answer to in the handbook. So, I won't have to go through Immigration and fill out the paperwork all by myself! It's the little things like this which serve to remind me that God is always looking out for me.
That's what my name means by the way...Jessica *or Jessika means "Jehovah beholds" and Nicole means "Victory." Babcock means something like "barbarian" or "thin bean farmer"...but I'm not reading too far into that.

Well, I'd like to end my random-ness by saying, "Lord, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for this incredible opportunity You've given to me!"

...ouch

2006-12-28T18:07:00.000-08:00

I got my Hepatitis A immunization today...I'm glad that was the only required one. They showed me a very loooooooooooooooooooooooong list of recommended immunizations for places that are more "jungly." I guess when they heard I was going on a mission trip they assumed I would need them. I might need to get a Typhoid and Rabies vaccination too...but I won't know for sure until tomorrow.

2006-12-26T14:35:00.000-08:00

I am so excited to report that I have raised 100% of the funds necessary for a year’s term in Guadalajara, Mexico. I will be departing on January 8th. I am so amazed by God’s provision in this endeavor. My faith has been profoundly strengthened by experiencing God’s hand in a seemingly impossible circumstance.
I am also deeply touched and humbled by your personal investment in my life and in the calling God has entrusted to me. Your partnership, both financially and through your prayers, has made this vision an actuality. Thank you so much for your support. I cannot begin to express my gratitude.

2006-12-25T16:03:00.000-08:00

Feliz Navidad

A tradition in my family is before we open our presents, we read the Christmas story together. I know it by heart (in the NIV) and can recite the story along with the reader. This year, something jumped out at me.

Luke Chapter 2

The Shepherds and the Angels

8And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. 11Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. 12This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

13Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
14"Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

15When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."

16So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

The shepherds were poor and uneducated. They had a tough life. When the Angels shared the good news of Jesus' birth with them, it was completely about God's love. There were no requirements for being acceptable enough to approach the Son of God. They didn't have to become expert theologians, improve their social-economic standing, or even take a bath. All they had to do was go to Jesus. The shepherds took care of sheep for a living. Jesus was born in a barn, and slept in a manger (another word for feeding trough). He loved them in a way they could connect and identify with.
This was an encouraging reminder of the simple truth that I all too often complicate. God loves us for who we are right now. We can approach Him confidently, knowing that He empathizes with us. It is this love alone that transforms our lives and it has absolutely nothing to do with our own efforts. When we experience Jesus' love, like the shepherds, we have to share it with others.
I would like to wish you all a Merry Christmas!

...dId yOu KnOw?

2006-12-06T19:50:00.000-08:00

...So I just had an interview with the Grandview Herald about my upcoming trip to Guadalajara, Mexico. During this interview, I realized that I didn't really have that much knowledge about the city's history, culture, economy, demographics at all. (Demographics is pretty much everything I just said before, except it adds the stuff I missed and makes me sound more intellegent.)

Anyway, I decided that I should check out a little bit more before I head over there. It was very exciting to find out about my new home! If you'd like to find out some facts so you can quiz me
on my knowledge...or just for fun...feel free!!!

read my profile...

2006-11-29T15:47:00.000-08:00

In case you haven't heard...I'm going to Guadalajara, Mexico on an ENGAGE Internship for the year. If you didn't know, now you do...you can read my profile to find out a little bit more on the subject. I'd also recommend checking out the ENGAGE website. I've been pretty busy with getting everything together, which is why I've been slacking off on my blog entries:{.
I'll fill in more details later...Oh, one thing though. It's about 20 degrees F here in Grandview, and when I checked the local weather in Guadalajara it was about 73 degrees...Nice!

THANK YOU!!!

2006-11-25T21:13:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving weekend (by far my favorite holiday) is coming to an end. I've been thinking about how, when I do something for another person, I don't just want them to tell me thank you...I want them to act in a way that shows their gratitude.
There's a story in the Bible about a woman who was very good at showing her love and thankfulness...here's her story.

36-39One of the Pharisees asked Jesus over for a meal. He went to the Pharisee's house and sat down at the dinner table. Just then a woman of the village, the town harlot, having learned that Jesus was a guest in the home of the Pharisee, came with a bottle of very expensive perfume and stood at his feet, weeping, raining tears on his feet. Letting down her hair, she dried his feet, kissed them, and anointed them with the perfume. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man was the prophet I thought he was, he would have known what kind of woman this is who is falling all over him."
40Jesus said to him, "Simon, I have something to tell you."
"Oh? Tell me."
41-42"Two men were in debt to a banker. One owed five hundred silver pieces, the other fifty. Neither of them could pay up, and so the banker canceled both debts. Which of the two would be more grateful?"
43-47Simon answered, "I suppose the one who was forgiven the most."
"That's right," said Jesus. Then turning to the woman, but speaking to Simon, he said, "Do you see this woman? I came to your home; you provided no water for my feet, but she rained tears on my feet and dried them with her hair. You gave me no greeting, but from the time I arrived she hasn't quit kissing my feet. You provided nothing for freshening up, but she has soothed my feet with perfume. Impressive, isn't it? She was forgiven many, many sins, and so she is very, very grateful."
Luke 7:43-7 (THE MESSAGE)

I know...and I say that without Jesus sacrifice, I would be nothing. But often times I act as though His sacrifice is nothing. If I am being totally honest, I can be like the Pharisee in the story. I have invited Jesus to come into my heart, but many times I am so busy that I forget to serve Him, to talk to Him, to show Him my adoration, and to show His love to those who come into my life. I want to take the time to stop and really say thank you...not just with words, but with my life.

...about a true hero

2006-11-21T15:31:00.000-08:00

My family travelled down to LaPine, Oregon for my Uncle Ken's memorial service on Sunday afternoon. I was amazed by the number of people in attendance. The High School auditorium had room to seat 450... it was packed and there were probably close to 100 people standing outside.
I wish I had the oportunity to spend more time with my Uncle, but the times I did spend with him had an undeniable impact on me. Uncle Ken lived life and loved people. That was so obvious when I looked into tearful eyes of the family and hundreds of friends he left behind. It was the thread that connected all of the memories from people who my uncle had invested in over his 49 years. My Uncle Ken was a true hero. If I would have told him that, he would have laughed. The people who lived life along side him probably wouldn't have considered him to be one, just a beloved part of the family or an indispensible friend...but now that he is gone, his true worth is made apparent by the legacy that is left behind. The funny thing is, he didn't serve others for the praise, but those he served were anxious to help him whenever they could. He was not a devoted husband, father, and friend for the benefits he could receive...but in the process, he gained more positive influence and genuine love than most people could even imagine. He didn't live with the intention of being remembered, but he always will be. Uncle Ken mastered something that is an illusive and discouraging pursuit.
At the end of the service, my cousin Chris shared a challenge that has taken a hold of my heart. "Now, I'm not one to preach, but if there's one thing you can learn from this, it's tell the people who you love that you love them. You never know if you'll have the chance later. That's what my dad did."
So here's to the man who knew life is for living, people are for loving...and who I was blessed to know as my Uncle Ken.

Little Helping Hands

2006-11-08T21:36:00.000-08:00


Well, she has good intentions anyway... Tonight, our children's pastor, Maggie Najera, was talking about parenting/ discipling relationships. We definitely learn the most by following our mentor's examples...even if we don't get it right at first. :)

Uncle Ken

2006-11-01T14:39:00.001-08:00

Sometimes, the "right answers" don't really help issues you have going on in your heart. My Uncle Ken was recently in a car accident. A woman travelling in the opposite direction hit a patch of black ice and swerved over the median. My Uncle is in a medicine-induced and natural coma. He has severe brain trauma and hemorraghing in both sides of the brain and the brain stem. As of yesterday, he was given a 10% chance of survival by the neurologist.
I drove down to Bend, Oregon yesterday with my dad to see him. My Uncle is a big, burly guy...and he's a fighter. He never did get an easy hand dealt to him. He's stuggled to make a good life for himself and family, and he succeeded. That's the image I've always had of my Uncle Ken. Strong. But yesterday, his bulky frame was lying limp in the Intensive Care Unit...a machine was the only thing that kept him from moving from this life into the next. He was completely helpless...and so was I and everyone else.
I have so many questions. I know the ulitmate answer is that God is always in control, and I have faith that even this is somehow a part of His plan...but that doesn't take away the pain I have in my heart. I think I've sort of had this idea that to be "holy" meant to feel only a supernatural joy and wisdom in the middle of a crisis. I have found that this is untrue. It's not that these natural emotions of confusion, vulnerability, and even anger are wrong... if I didn't feel them, it would honestly mean I was hard-hearted or disconnected.
Before Jesus was crucified, he was praying. He was weeping and sweating drops of blood because he knew the unbearable torture that was only a few hours from Him. Jesus prayed, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me..." In other words he was saying, "I don't want to go through this! It hurts!" Jesus, the Son of God...you can't get more holy than that...and all of the feelings I have fade in comparison to the suffering He endured. Even He wanted a way out.
Jesus followed His first statement with, "...yet not my will, but Yours be done." Jesus had a choice to make, run from the pain or embrace God's will. Now, I used to confuse embracing God's will with embracing pain... there's a big difference. First off to embrace or enjoy pain means that there's a serious mental condition, which requires immediate professional help. Embracing God's will, sometimes in the middle of pain, means that you choose to keep an open heart toward God and to persue a relationship with Him. It's easy to run from or shut out pain. It's difficult to take an honest look, make your fears known to God, and continue to move forward in His direction...with your bleeding heart revealed.

Adventure vs. Security

2006-10-28T16:07:00.000-07:00

I have constantly struggled with two conflicting values. Adventure vs. Security. I always wanted to make a mark on the world, but at the same time I always had a neat plan laid out:
1. Graduate from high school
2. Go to college
3. Graduate with a Master's degree
4. Start a career
5. Get married...maybe a kid or two, five years apart...pretty much the typical American students' plan for success these days.
I had been accepted to Vanguard University and was finishing the process of ordering extra long sheets for my dorm bed when I realized two things...The first was I had absolutely no clue what I would be interested in studying (and I am definitely not the kind of person who loves academics just for acedemic's sake.) The other was that I had been trying to find my way out of something God had asked me to do about thirteen years before.
I remember being five years old watching an orphan choir from South Africa perform at my church. As they began telling their stories my heart broke and I felt this simple but undeniable call, "I want you to help them." I told my mom during our evening prayer time, "I'm going to be a missionary."
Well, that's always been there, but as I grew older I began feeling how different that was from what was viewed as normal. I went on some summer trips during middle and high school which I thought maybe met the "duty" I had. I planned to move on with goals and aspirations of my own. I was restless and unsatisfied but determined to fit in.
So there I was ordering bed sheets...and those two thoughts hit me. They honestly freaked me out. They didn't work with the mold I had made for my future. To top it off, I am blessed to be the oldest in a minister's family with four siblings that are after me...and I didn't have anything remotely resembling a college fund, other than what I had saved over the summer. That paid for my first semester, but I couldn't in good concience put myself way over my head in student loans when I hadn't the foggiest clue of why I was even going.
So kicking and screaming (literally) I deferred admissions for a year and proceeded to apply for a missions internship. I told God I'd give Him this year since I didn't know what in the world to do with it. I applied for MAPS, which is an Assemblies of God mission internship, in August. I requested to be placed in an African country from December to May. I was approved and told I should have all the details in two weeks...and waited to be placed...and waited... and waited. In fact, I am currently in the process of waiting. I began two part time positions at Bethany Presbyterian Preschool and Homestretch Espresso, and now I am possibly looking for an additional one.
To be honest, these past two, coming up on three, months have been a little discouraging. I've found myself often asking God, "WHY? I did what I felt you asked me to do and it hasn't worked out. I'm here just WAITING." Well, I'm glad God is more patient than I am. He hasn't struck me with lightning for doubting Him or His timing. Lately I've had this sneaking suspicion that when I gave the year to God, I gave up everything. Basically, He has the wheel and He's not interested with my attempted back seat driving. I'm used to running around like a chicken with my head cut off accomplishing things and being important. I've had to realign my thinking because it's not what I do that gives me value, but who I've been created to be. It's been difficult. I haven't "arrived" by any stretch of the imagination, but I have this sense in my heart that gives me peace. I can just picture God holding my hand and whispering, "I have this all figured out. You can trust me."
"In repentance and rest is your salvation. In quietness and trust is your strength." Isaiah 30:15
I wanted this blog to be all about my exciting missions adventures. I'm not in Africa yet, but I think my life was created to be a Missions Adventure...so I decided to start writing about it.